Care for Me
by Nienna100
Summary: A 3part SiriusRemus fic. Rated M for slash and strong sexual content ahem. Sirius is haunted by the memories of Azkaban and Remus is preparing for his transformation at full moon. Fluffy yet angsty
1. Chapter 1

**I own Nothing you recognize**

Remus was woken by moaning from Sirius' side of the bed

"Shut up Paddy" he said, voice thick with sleep

The moans became louder and formed coherent words

"No… don't… James… help someone" Sirius' voice became insistent and he thrashed from side to side, flailing his arms and pulling covers into a knot around him.

Thought caught up with Remus and he sat up, peppered blonde hair fell into his face "Sirius wake up" he demanded "Sirius"

"Lily… no please… let me go… Harry"

Remus scooted over to his lover and shook his shoulder "Sirius, love, you're dreaming. It's just a dream"

The writhing man started shouted shouting "Get back… leave them alone… Remus!"

Blinking at the mention of his name, Remus leaned forwards "Sirius, come on wake up"

Sirius' eyes snapped open. They didn't focus, but rolled in their sockets showing their whites, "Get away from me… Wormtail… I'LL KILL YOU"

As he yelled this last, the Animagus slashed his hand in front o his face and cut across Remus' cheek. The werewolf bit back a yelp. Then suddenly, Sirius blinked twice and looked at his lover.

"Remus?"

"Yes Sirius, I'm here love. It's fine" he replied in relief, though he was worried about the disturbed look that had stayed on Sirius' face.

"Moony, oh moony I dreamed"

"I know my sweet, I know, I heard you" there was only concern in the yellow orbs, searching Sirius' features, "Let's have some light"

He reached over to the muggle lamp, flicked the switch and a pale tallow light illuminated the drab room

Sirius gasped, "Reems, your cheek"

Looking in the dusty mirror across the room, Remus saw the sluggishly bleeding wound. "Forget about that. No worries, it's fine. I've had worse, don't fret Padfoot, it's fine" he reassured his lover.

Sirius was trembling, Remus hadn't noticed before. He took his lover into his arms and held the too-thin frame against his chest. The werewolf rocked his friend as he would a child. Sirius clung onto Remus, as if he were a rope to take him out of the darkness and into the light. In a way he was.

With one hand, Remus rubbed his friend's back, and with the other he stroked the dark, lank hair. He showered kisses on the Animagus' head, trying the convey reassurance to the guilt-ridden man.

Remus became aware of a damp patch forming on his shirt, tears had soaked through. He nuzzled the sobbing man gently, hushing and soothing him, whilst feeling thoroughly useless. He could never give Sirius his stolen youth back, but in a way Sirius had never had the chance to grow up either. It left the Animagus a very confused man, preoccupied by the awful memories of his former life – reminders of Azkaban. Sirius' sobs quietened gradually. Remus forced a smile onto his face and pulled away. Sirius' face was glazed with tears, which Remus brushed away gently.

"Stay here" the werewolf whispered "I'll just be a minute. I'll be right back, ok Pads?"

Remus left the room. Once he'd pulled the door closed quietly, he shuddered involuntarily. Was the Sirius he remembered ever going to come back in full? The Sirius who joked around, pulled irritatingly humorous pranks, serious in deep moments and amazingly compassionate? Would he, Remus, ever stop thinking of the ghostly past? Were there still remnants of the man he had fallen in love with originally under that broken shell?

When Remus opened the door again, he immediately regretted that he had left. He was presented with the heart-wrenching sight of his lover, curled into a ball, weeping once more. He put the steaming mugs of tea and slab of chocolate on the floor and sat on the bed.

"Sirius?" he took the crying mans face in his hand, "Talk to me love"

"It's so real Remus" he said hoarsely, "It's all happening again. People are dying, disappearing, going into hiding. They don't know who to trust because I didn't trust myself. Voldemort's back because of me, I didn't kill Peter second time round either. Everything's my fault Reems, everything"

"Sirius, stop talking nonsense. This is Voldemort we're talking about. He'll do anything to gain power. He would have come back without you anyway. Here" he shoved a cup of tea into his lover's hands.

As Sirius sipped, Remus forced half of the chocolate into his other hand and proceeded to wipe away Sirius' tears with his sleeve. He gulped down his own brew and lay down.

"As soon as you're done, try and go back to sleep. It's full moon tomorrow"

"Sorry Moony, I didn't mean to wake you" Sirius sighed

"Hey no problem love. Sleep well"

They slept in each other' arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius rolled over, out of Remus' arms. He blinked in the bright sunlight streaming in from the thin curtains. He had slept soundly in Remus' arms, surrounded by the warm, familiar scent of the only man he had ever loved. His smooth skin against Remus' scarred flesh.

He moved as quietly as he could, cursing the creaking bed. He sneaked into the kitchen and set pieces of bacon under the grill. Whilst it cooked, he brewed a fresh mug of tea, toasted some bread for himself and poured a cup of orange juice. Once the bacon had warmed and sizzled to a vaguely cooked level, he sifted it all onto one of Remus' chipped plates. Sirius loading everything onto a tray and crept back into their bedroom.

Remus was laying their awake, with slightly bleary eyes, "Morning love. Do I smell bacon?"

"Good morning sunshine" Sirius said, sitting down on the mattress. "Feeling hungry are we? Sit up"

Remus obeyed, smiling. A spark was in Sirius' eyes where they had – just the night before – been dull and deadened.

Remus snatched his plate from the tray and helped himself to bacon as if he'd been starved for months. It was the ungainly, ravenous appetite for rare meat that he acquired every moon cycle. Sirius watched, amused.

"What?" the werewolf asked innocently, as Sirius' stares intensified at the almost indecent scene of Remus' hunger

Shrugging, Sirius said "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

Remus blushed, even more so as his lover finished munching on his toast and came nearer.

"Do you know what we haven't done in a while, light of my life?" whispered Sirius

"You mean seven hours, you horny son of a bitch" Remus sniggered, putting his empty plate on the floor.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter at the cliché the Marauders often used, "Ah but you see Moony my love; minutes without you seem like hours and hours without you seem like days. So technically, I have abstained for a week"

Unwanted tears sprang to Remus' eyes for two reasons. The first was that this was the first time in the fortnight that Sirius had stayed that he had cracked a joke like this. The second, and main, reason was Sirius' sharp teeth had just nipped at the nape of his neck

They started with a slow kiss, the one that sent shivers down Remus' spine and caused that feeling of hot-cold to tingle through his body. Sirius teased his nipples with his tongue.

All of a sudden, Remus was onto of Sirius, hips cradled between Sirius' thighs, skin pressed against skin. He kissed the Animagus, sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth and nibbling on it while he feels Sirius' hands running up and down his back. He let his lip go and kissed him deeply as he braced his hands either side of Sirius to prop his upper body up, and he gives a firm roll of his hips that Sirius met with an arch of his back.

They roll over, Remus lowered himself back down onto Sirius and their mouths meet again, hot and moist as they kiss. He rested his weight on one elbow as he used his other hand to start exploring Sirius' body; from his neck, to his shoulder, down his arm, back up again, down over his chest, his side, his waist, his hip. He gripped Sirius' hip and gave a firm, hard roll of his hips against Sirius, hard enough that it made Sirius expire sharply and groan.

Breaking his mouth away from Sirius' he lent down and kissed his cheek, his jaw, down to his neck, the stubble scratching against his lips and chin, and moved down. Remus, kissed his way down Sirius' body and took his cock into his mouth, sucking and sucking until Sirius is arching up off the bed in a silent beg to come. Sirius kissed along Remus' chest, down to his left nipple, feeling it swirl and harden against his lips and tongue as he licked and sucks it. Remus' breathing picked up in anticipation.

Sliding a warm, moist trail up from the werewolf's nipple to his neck with his tongue, Sirius slithered back up Remus' body. He rolled his hips against Remus', rubbing their arousals together firmly and just as he feels Remus' hands sliding back down to his hips. Sirius straddled him, hands now pressed against his chest.

Sirius leaned forward until their arousals were touching and started to rock his hips again, keeping his eyes on Remus as he did so. Remus moaned "Sirius"

Sirius stared down at Remus staring back up at him and suddenly the dull, thick press of Remus' penis was against him. Not in the right place, at first; it dug against his inner thigh, against his perineum and when it thrust against his balls, Sirius sat up and reached behind him, closing his hand around Remus' to guide him. He shut his eyes as he feels the head of Remus' penis pushing against his entrance, and when he felt the thickness pushing and stretching him, he curled his toes so hard his feet and calves began to cramp.

Sirius cried out. Both his hands slapped onto Remus' chest for support and balance, digging his nails into his skin as Remus pushes deeper into him, and he caught a faint grunt from Sirius, like the tightness and firmness of Sirius' entrance is too much to bear. Sirius bore down to force his muscles to relax when Remus thrust deeper into him and as if to force Remus as deep into him as he can go, Sirius suddenly shifted his hips down until he was seated fully upon Remus' penis.

Sirius felt a heady rush of pleasure. The pleasure mounted so much so fast that Sirius almost couldn't take it and he thumped his fist against Remus' chest just as the wolf moaned again. The force of his fist on his chest cuts off Remus' moan with a short wheeze, and they locked eyes again just as Remus thrust back in.

Before Sirius could control himself, his whole body seized up as his orgasm rushed through him like a roar of white noise. He arched off Remus, frozen, seized up in the thrall of pleasure so intense it hurts, and his muscles clamped hard around Remus' penis. His come spurted up to his stomach in two hard pulses before tapering off into weaker throbs. He edged out of Remus

"I love you Remus"

"I love you too Sirius"

Sirius was once again the first to wake up. He stretched (a difficult feat as Remus' head and scarred shoulders were strewn over his lap). He looked at the time, it was 10 o'clock. It pained the Animagus to wake the pale man sleeping on him, but it had to be done.

"Reemy. Reems hun, you got to wake up. You have to leave in quarter of an hour"

"I'm up. I'm awake. I don't want to be but I am. Up. Awake" mumbled Remus

"Fifteen minutes Moony"

"What?" Remus sat bolt upright, his comfortable flush draining away "Sirius, why didn't you wake me earlier?" Frantically Remus jumped from his bed and sorted through his robes, trying to find his least-shabbiest pair, "What sort of watchdog are you?"

"An awesome one. You still have an hour"

"I hate you sometimes Siri" Remus said, but a relieved grin was forming on his face

"We'll call it unrequited love then shall we? Now you need a shower, you're all sweaty"

"But the shower makes scary noises. I can't go in their on my own" Remus pouted

Sirius gave a fake, resigned sigh "I'll have to come in with you then, won't I? And you say that I am insatiable"

They trekked, still naked, into the bathroom and were soon standing, dancing under the rain drops. They laughed together with childish delight.

"Do you remember the first time we did this?" Remus asked, trying to hold onto this joyful side of his lover

"Oh Merlin, how could I forget? Fifth year wasn't it? And Moaning Myrtle burst in. I think that was the only time I ever saw her speechless"

"That was only because you cast Langlock on her so she couldn't tell anyone"

Sirius' retort turned into a shriek, as an icy jet cascaded from the shower head

"Shit, she's cut me off again" Remus swore, as Sirius ducked out, cackling madly, dragging Remus with him

"Pay your bills Moony. It's time you learned some responsibility" chided Sirius

Remus' face fell "To pay bills you need money, to have money you need a job. That is why I need to get dressed" he said as he rubbed himself dry

Putting his arms around Remus' waist, Sirius kissed away the single tear that was falling. "Re, you are the strongest person I know. You always have been" He silently appealed for Remus to stay strong.

Slowly the werewolf tied his belt and kissed his lover on the cheek

"Come on Snuffles, time for walkies" Remus called a while later, having got dressed, eaten a second breakfast and cleaned up the apartment.

Sirius, still in human form, growled at him

"Well come on, I haven't got all day. We'll apparate part way"

In a crack, the two wizards stood in a deserted side street.

"Cosy" commented Sirius

Remus hissed "change"

He left the street with a large black dog trotting at his side

Remus stood in front of a graffitied phone box. He gave a quick, scared smile to the dog standing in the street. He entered the phone box and disappeared.

Snuffles' tail dropped and he sat down outside a charity shop to wait for his master's return.

He did not notice the four men staring at him from further down the road

Swallowing nervously, Remus walked up to the security desk and presented his battered wand. He hated the Ministry building; so many depressed wizards dragging themselves along, so many eyes watching him.

Eric smiled at Lupin as he gave back the wand. He had been in here before but was always edgy, though very polite.

Remus, shaking, got into the lift. People got in and out, ignoring him, until the cool female voice called out.

"Level Four, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, incorporating Beast, Being and Spirit Divisions, Goblin Liaison office and the Pest Advisory Bureau"

Remus gulped, this was him. He stepped out into the garishly lit hallway. His feet took him into the Werewolf Liaison Office and into a small chair before the manager.

"Good morning Mr Harvey" Remus said courteously

"Lupin" Mr Harvey said indifferently "What is it this time?"

"I need a job sir. I was wondering if I could…" Lupin had dived straight in and, under Mr Harvey's glare, broken out into a nervous sweat. The manager was a huge, overbearing man who hated his job with a passion.

"The answer is no Lupin: I found you a job at Hogwarts and you quit. I don't have time to find you another one, not with the eclipse coming. I have too much to do this summer. Please leave, I have another appointment in five minutes"

"Mr Howard!" Remus exclaimed, "I come here for help, that's humiliating enough for me. But to be turned down because the man supposed to help me is too lazy? You should be ashamed"

Mr Howard sneered, "And you should know your place werewolf. You can't claim to false morals to me sir. See how you like it without Ministry support."

"What?" Remus was taken aback

"I was going to offer you a subscription to a company that provides free Wolfsbane Potion. You know that it costs 100 Galleons a month. But now I've changed my mind. Stop being impertinent and leave me office"

Remus slammed the door, hard. "I am not a second-class citizen" he muttered mutinously to himself, angry to find furious tears on his cheeks, "I am not"

Outside, Remus looked through hazy eyes for his dog. But Sirius was nowhere to be found

"Snuffles?"

There was no reply

"Padfoot?"

A dog barked down the street. Remus turned, only to find a Labrador tied outside the CD store

"Damn"

Then the werewolf's ears picked up on a thin whine. He sprinted down the street towards the source, turned into an alleyway and found a devastating sight. The dog was lying, bleeding on the floor. The adult Crabbe, Goyle and Nott had their wands pointed at the Animagus.

Remus whipped out his wand. Silently, he thought "Impedimenta" Goyle froze, "Stupefy," Crabbe fell with a crash. Nott whirled around, but he was not quick enough "Petrificus Totalus" he fell like a board.

"Sirius" Remus darted forwards, "Sirius darling, don't worry I'm here"

"How very touching" came a drawling voice "The werewolf and the criminal. What a perfect match" said Lucius Malfoy, stepping out of the shadows

"I like to think so" snarled Remus, still stroking the dog's fur, "Both innocent, both persecuted unjustly

"Crucio" yelled Lucius

The beam of light missed Remus by an inch. Holding onto Sirius tight, he apparated out, leaving Lucius cursing.

"Damn it. I thought we'd be fine" said Remus, burying his head in his hands.

The newly transformed Sirius sat back in his chair "That was some fast spell work you know"

"Thank you" murmured Lupin, "Stay here. I'll get some cold water and a cloth for you to put on that"

Sirius nodded his assent, knowing Remus wanted a moment to collect himself. The sounds of rummaging and slamming drawers, then running water filtered in.

"Top off" Remus instructed as he came back into the room.

Sirius pulled the wet material off him and hissed as the cold cloth touched the wound, wiping away grit.

"I can tell when you're putting it on for sympathy Mr Black. So don't try it. I haven't been your lover for nearly 20 years for nothing"

"Way to make me feel old Moony"

"Indeed. Put the plaster on that. I'm going to make lunch"

Sirius followed the werewolf into the kitchen, padding softly across the tattered lino. "What did they day?" he asked as Remus delved\in the fridge.

"They'll help" Remus lied

"Hey that's great Reems. Glad I'll be able to get off to the Caribbean knowing you'll be fine"

"I lived without you for 12 years. I'm sure I'll manage" said Remus, as he emerged with three pork chops.

"You're a survivor Moony. You'll always survive"

"And you are bleeding on my floor. Put that plaster on"


	3. Chapter 3

Remus shifted his weight slightly, and Sirius winced beneath him. There were lying on the worn living room sofa; Sirius dozing underneath and Remus lying on top reading. Remus moved again, then shuddered.

"Quit it will you?" grumbles Sirius

"It's moonrise Pads. Five minutes"

Startled, Sirius sat up, toppling of werewolf off him. "Quick. The… where do you go?"

"The cellar, come on stop fooling" Remus tore out the room, Sirius on his heels.

Remus rented the ground floor apartment in a three storey building. It also had what used to be a small wine cellar. Lupin had cleared out the wooden shelves and stacks, and installed a steel door with elaborate locks. Only a spell could open it from the inside, though Remus sometimes could not drag himself to do that. That was why there was also a stack of chocolate and sugary drinks hidden in a key-operated locker. In addition, he had installed noise dampening charms. This would be only the second time he had used the cell.

Remus started to change quickly, ripping off his robes and stuffing them into Sirius' hands. Then Remus sat down shakily on the steps, only to be joined by a huge black dog.

Remus ran his fingers through its long fur. "No" he said softly

Sirius changed back into a human "What? Why?"

"Siri, I can't have you in there. This isn't a noble thing I'm doing, trying not to hurt you, but" his voice cracked, "It will hurt more when you leave next week. Next full moon will be worse if the wolf misses you"

Sirius looked like he was going to protest, but, with a brush of his lips, Remus stopped him.

"Go" he said quietly

"Don't forget who you really are Moony" Sirius said, standing

"Go"

"I love you, remember that"

"Go!" this last was yelled, and turned into a screech of pain

Sirius shot out and closed the door, locking its many bolts quickly, even as the wolf threw himself against it.

"I love you Re" he whispered, as he slumped down into a hallway chair with a bottle of unnameable alcoholic substance. He sat there all night, shivering as the tortured screams filtered upwards, dampened but heart-rending all the same.

The moon sank early; there were still two hours before dawn. Sirius heard no more noises, checked out the window, and hurried down the trap door. A soft crying filled his ears

"Remus?"

There was a choked reply

"Re?" he stepped further down into the darkness, flicking on the muggle light switch as he went. In the dim lighting Remus glowed. He was as pale as a dead man. Sirius cantered down the remaining steps towards the shivering man.

"Good morning love" he said, surveying the damage "Merlin, it's never been this bad before"

Blood was pouring from cuts in his belly, arms and shoulder, his left arm was crooked and broken, the bone protruding through the skin. Even worse was the shredded muscle tissue on his mangled right leg.

Remus' eyes were closed in a painful grimace. He spoke in a voice as broken as his arm "I could… it could… smell human… smell you"

"I'm sorry Moony, I should have moved further back of something"

There was a twitch that could have been a shake of the head

"Reems, I'm going to pick you up, ok?"

Once again a twitch. This was cut short by a convulsion that shook Remus' body. He cried out and blood dribbled from his mouth

Sirius hid the fright from his voice "All right darling, don't worry"

Sirius' warm arms slid under the naked body and lifted Remus up, cradling him close.

"Sirius, it hurts" Remus moaned

"I know love I know"

They stumbled up the stems and into the bedroom. Remus was almost delirious with the pain. Sirius laid him down and cursed his own inability to do healing magic.

Only Remus' ragged breathing told him that the werewolf was still alive, his pallor was frightening

Sirius sprinted into the bathroom, coming back with a bowl of water and a mountain of bandages. He wasn't sure whether Remus could hear him but he talked to his lover as he worked anyway

"I'm just going to wash this, there see… Just putting this plaster on, ok?... Now don't worry about this cold, it's just the antiseptic… Now this arm, I'm going to have to push this bone back in… I'm remembering all your instructions from years back… Al right then I've done it… Now I'm just sowing this back up you see?"

Remus opened agonised eyes. The cuts on his shoulder and belly were cleaned and bandaged, they weren't too bad. The bone had been pushed back into place and sown back up, but the leg was still untouched. "Water" he rasped

Sirius looked startled

"Please"

Sirius summoned a cup and helped his friend and lover back up gently. Remus' actions were stunted and clumsy, so Sirius held up the glass to Remus' lips. After a moment he asked "Enough?"

Remus nodded, and motioned for his wand

"Are you sure my love?" he asked, with tenderness in every word

Remus nodded again and found his wand in his hand. He muttered incomprehensibly, but the magic responded. His leg healed up, though deep welts remained where the flesh had joined. Sirius was impressed, but he didn't mention it

He got up onto the bed and sat next to Remus, rubbing his shoulder gently. "Are you alright beloved? Do you want anything else?"

The werewolf's voice was no longer so thick with pain, as he answered "You"

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. "You've always had me. If there's nothing else you should sleep"

Remus nodded and slithered down beneath the covers, snuggling up to his lover. His eyes were still closed as Sirius' arm snuck around him, gracefully avoiding Remus' cuts.

"I'm here for you love"

"I'm here for you too"

They both fell asleep, and it was the first night that Sirius slept through without waking.


End file.
